Downsides to Doing it Digitally

The average human being will most likely scoff at the idea of having a virtual relationship which isn’t in some way routed in the real world. When we think of the word ‘relationship’ we think of a coffee-date, movies-on-your-night-off, come-to-my-place-for-dinner real world thing. 

We understand the difference between the relationships we have with our parents, our friends, our lovers and our teachers or work colleagues (at least, most of the time). But most of us, and I’m including myself in this, can’t fathom an online only relationship. It makes no sense that something starts and ends in a virtual space.

I recently read a Marshall & Burnett chapter in ‘Web Theory’ called ‘Webs of Identity’ which discussed the problem of social relationships. The conclusion seemed to be that it was ridiculous to think that the internet and social networks distracted people from having real world relationships, instead that real world relationships are cemented and grown online because of the ease and speed at which communication can be achieved. The other advantages including the fact that social media (including email) are not space and time reliant makes things much easier for us.

In this there is an inherent assumption: that we all have social relationships outside of our computers. This is important because the dystopian idea that the internet takes time away from social relationships might be true if the subject had no real world social relationships to begin with. It would give them a false sense of sociability and stop them from venturing forth to the pub on a Wednesday night to make friends; why would you if you have a fan following of 500 on Twitter; people love you!

No they don’t.

They’re not your friends, and they don’t count as social relationships if you’ve never had to read their body language or had to decipher their unique idea of humour or sarcasm; or any of the other tiny and interesting things you learn about people when you interact face-to-face. Those nuances of sociability don’t come easy and they take practice that you simply can’t get from behind a computer screen.

Paul Stoller, renowned Anthropologist is currently in Grahamstown teaching the younger generation his theories of ‘sensuous scholarship’. Learning to observe social situations and learning their nuances with all of your senses makes you a part of the human race. Your computer has very limited nuance and it’s really not healthy not to have real human interaction. Telling someone about your day is so important for us social beings.

Having said all of this I don’t believe that there really are people out there who don’t have real social relationships. So my suggestion is: next time you’re on Facebook, ask a friend you haven’t seen in a while to coffee.  

Thanks to ansik for the awesome pic. Follow ansik's photostream at http://www.flickr.com/photos/ansik/.